I should have written this.

I came across this great article in Gay.com.  It is about the reply of a Gay version of Dear Abbey called Dear Digital Romeo.  I thought his reply to an question on how to engage a guy online was very pragmatic, thoughtful and constructive.  I agree with a lot of what he advised that I am sheepish that I did not think of it myself and wrote a blog about it.

Click HERE for the article.  Or below is the copy of the said article.

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"Dear Digital Romeo,

I never know how to start conversations with guys online. It's awkward just saying 'Hello,' and where do you go once the guy says 'Hi' back? I also have a hard time telling if a guy's interested. Can you help me?"

Online flirting can be difficult. Sure, it gives you the time look over someone's profile and formulate a good response, but it's hard to start a conversation and gain someone's interest when they're not even physically there.

It's important to remember that online flirting is meant to be casual and fun. Yes, words are important and chat can lead to the beginning of a relationship. But at the outset, it should be playful and engaging. Just like in real life, it pays to be charming, attentive and personable.

Here are a few tips to help you break the ice:

1. "SUP," "STATS," AND "PICS" ARE NOT CONVERSATION STARTERS

Unless you're just cruising for a quickie, starting a conversation with "Sup?" — or worse "Stats?" or "Pics?" — will go nowhere, especially since most people's profiles have their general stats and pics already on display.

If you're one of those guys who sends out a general impersonal message like "Hey, I'm new to the area and am just looking to make friends" to lots of guys at random, you should know that most guys consider that a form of spam and hardly ever answer. In fact, I tend to block those guys because... hello? I don't want to chat with a spambot.

A simple "Hey" or "How's it goin'?" comes across as much friendlier and more conversational. And if you're looking to flirt right off the bat, "Hey, handsome" or "Hey there, tiger" will make your interest pretty clear.

2. ASK QUESTIONS BASED ON THEIR PROFILE INFO

A much better way to garner interest after the initial hello is to read a person's profile and then ask them questions based on what you find. For example, if they're into arts, ask them if they like a favorite artist of yours. If they like cooking, say, "Me too. What's your speciality?" If they're into movies or music, ask what kind.

Asking personal questions shows that you're paying attention and are interested in learning more about them on a more intimate level — it's flattering, flirtatious, and shows intellectual maturity. It also helps if you ask questions about similar interests so that you'll have opinions of your own to throw into the conversation.

Just make sure to keep the conversation light at first and not to dominate it with questions or lots and lots of blather. No one likes a nervous windbag, and there will be time to discuss more personal matters after you get to know each other first.

3. EVERYONE LOVES FLATTERY

Though we're told to distrust flattery, there's nothing wrong with complimenting a person's looks or interests — just as long as the compliment comes from a place of sincerity. For example, if a guy's blowing you away with his pics, just say, "Hey, I love your pics." It may sound dumb, but it's actually a good, straightforward way to compliment their attractiveness and whatever they're doing in said pics.

An even better move is to compliment them for something personal they've included on their profile. If you see they speak three languages, say, "You speak three languages? That's awesome!" and follow up with a question like "How did you pick those up?" or with some humor like "I only speak two: English and Pig Latin."

If they tell you they play tennis, you can say, "I bet you have a killer serve" as way to praise their athleticism. If they're from a part of the U.S. that you like, give a specific compliment about it ("Oh, I hear winters there are fantastic.") If their job sounds interesting, say so and ask questions about its most intriguing aspects. If you're feeling really bold, pay them a sexual compliment ("I bet you look great in a leather harness") or the trustworthy "How in the world are you single?"

A word of warning: A little bit of flattery goes a long way, so use it sparingly. If you try to butter them up too much, your flattery will come off false — or worse, desperate.

4. BE PLAYFUL

Online dating doesn't need to be so serious or consequential. Yes, you're looking to meet people and go on a date, but that doesn't mean every interaction has to teeter between full-on acceptance or flat-out rejection.

On the contrary, this is an opportunity to explore and banter with other guys — to try on different aspects of your self and to see what works and what doesn't.

Feel like being flirty? Try some come-on lines. Feel like being dirty? Try some sexy talk. Wanna sound intellectual? Mention the books you're reading. Wanna sound weird? Make a non-sequitur comment about baby penguins. Wanna seem wild? Mention how much you'd love to go hang gliding in body paint while listening to hair-metal. Playfulness is important because it's the best way to convey the person behind the profile. You may have great pics, a well-written self-introduction, or a bunch of exciting interests on your profile, but chat is your place to show just how fun and engaging you really are.

Experimenting on chat is especially fun when you've found a guy you're OK just chatting with. That way, you can test out different things and save your best conversational skills for a guy you really like. If it goes south, there are plenty of other guys to chat with.

Also, there's no need to fire off responses ASAP. Give your words a little thought and keep them fun. No one ever died waiting for a chat response.

5. GAUGE THEIR TEMPERATURE

When we chat, we usually assume that the person on the other end has as much time as we do; but that's not always the case. Instead of wondering if a guy's interested, here are ways you can gauge his interest:

- How quickly he responds

- Whether he asks any questions about you

- How directly he responds to your questions about him

- The amount of personal details he provides

- His level of flirtation, attention to profile details, and general playfulness

Remember, if he's providing brief responses or taking a very long time to answer back, he could just be busy or disinterested. Whatever you do, don't get impatient or offended. Often people will chat while they're watching TV, working or doing chores. If a chat ends suddenly, accept that the guy may be tied up and just hit him up later rather than pressuring him for an immediate response.

6. MAKE A MOVE

Some guys are just interested in just chat. But at some point, most will want the online flirting to eventually move offline into the real world. Before you meet your handsome stranger in person, it's important to establish a good connection.

Some guys transition from chatting to offline interaction by first trading phone numbers or becoming friends on Facebook so that you can take a closer look at their friends, their social habits, and feel them out a bit more before committing to a face-to-face interaction — and both of these are good ideas.

But if you've already made sure that the person is sane and you're serious about meeting, suggest a specific time and place. Saying, "Wanna go out for a drink Friday evening at Moby Dick's?" is a lot better than leaving it at "Hey, wanna hang out sometime?" Specifics show that you have a plan and are confident about creating some time together.

These are just a few tips for getting a conversation going, but you should also read this great article about safe online chatting to learn more great ways to safeguard yourself against any online ne'er-do-wells.

On the whole, most guys are just looking for an interaction with a genuine person, whether for good conversation or to meet up for fun. Playful engagement is the key and will get you where you wanna go, no matter your destination.

End of the journey, start of a new adventure.

It has been 17 months ago when I decided to move to LA.  Now that I am laying down here and writing my blog at my room in Sun Valley California, I am filled with a great relief that my journey to relocate here is finally over.  It was an eventful, frustrating and stressful 17 months.  The last month in Chicago was specially stressful.  The preparing of my condo for the sale, the planning of the move, the packing of my things, the moving of my belongings, the selling of my car and the actual flying to LA with my dog were all very maddening.  I am so glad it is over.  Today I heard from my lawyer that the closing of my condo sale finally happened.  I have to fly out of Chicago 2 days before the actual closing because it was delayed.  There were still uncertainties about the sale of my condo up until today.  I was a nervous wreck these past weeks.  It is truly an end of a journey for me.  It is also a start of a new adventure.  An adventure that I look forward to.

Men on Films III

WTA top 3 worst Number 1.

Since I started to follow tennis, I have come to the conclusion that there are 3 players who reached the number 1 ranking who are not worthy of the honor bestowed in being number 1.  These players reached number 1 ranking but never manage to win a Grand Slam.

1.  Caroline Wozniacki.  She only reached the number 1 ranking when better players were not actively playing.  She manage to win titles from smaller tournaments and gain enough points to be number 1.  In fact she has never won a Grand Slam title.  The closest she got was a Finalist at the 2009 US Open.  She manage to go deep enough in some Grand Slam which helped her to gain points to be number 1.  Career 20 titles.

2.  Jelena Jankovic.  Another former number 1 with similar unimpressive feat as Caroline.  Career 13 WTA titles. Manage to be the finalist in the 2008 US Open but never won any Grand Slam.  She won enough smaller tournaments that propelled her to number 1 ranking.

3.  Dinara Safina.  She is no longer actively playing due to injuries.  She reached number 1 status by going deep enough in Grand Slams.  In fact she was the finalist in the 2008 French Open, 2009 Australian Open and 2009 French Open.  This showing along with 12 career WTA titles propelled her to number 1 ranking.  Not as lame as Jelena and Caroline but still unimpressive by not winning any Grand Slam.  

Swimming Janet

This is an older clip of Janet swimming in Lake Michigan on one of those warm summer days some years ago.

Over the top Inspector

Is it good to have a home inspector who is very very thorough?  One might say absolutely.  It helps to know all the faults of the potential property one is about to buy.

I say it is not at all beneficial in all cases.  After all excess is never a good thing generally.  Let us take the case of one of the buyer of my condo.  They were a young couple who is barely able to afford to buy a property.  First time buyers who were attracted to my condo that sells at a bargain price of $150,000 for a 2 bedroom with parking in a beautiful neighborhood of Chicago.  They hired an inspector who was very thorough.  The inspection was twice as long as normally done and the inspection covered not just the interior of the condo but also the exterior.  So obviously this inspector was able to find a lot of fault in an older building like mine.  This scared the potential buyer away naturally.  But did it benefit this young couple who is a first time buyer?  I say NO.  This young couple could not afford to buy a brand new construction with very little fault to begin with.  Those property in the neighborhood they want will cost twice as much almost.  So whatever property they check at the $150 price range will have to be older ones.  And any older building will have lots of fault that this thorough inspector will find.  So this young couple will never be able to find a property that will have as little fault that this inspector can find.  This young couple would have been better off with an inspector that finds only the big problems in the property.  That way this young couple can finally buy a property that is always better than renting.  Property investment are always better than making your landlord richer.  In this case, this over the top inspector did not help this impressionable poor young couple who did want to buy a property.  

The 2013 French Open Champion: Serena Williams

So Serena Williams just won her 16th grand slam title at the 2013 Roland Garros.  She not only won but won convincingly in 5 out of 7 matches.  The Championship match was her 14th win against Shriekapova in the 16 times they have met.  She obviously did very well this year at the French Open as compared to the very bad performance last year.  She lost in the first round last year and I have a theory as to why.  Last year Serena won the Madrid Open and played till the quarterfinals in Rome.  She pulled out citing an injury but truth be told, she flew back to the United States to attend the wedding of that nobody Kim Kardashian.  Evidently they are good friends.  And when she came back to Europe to play at the Roland Garros, she lost in the first round.  This year, she won Madrid and Rome before going to Roland Garros in Paris.  She had more preparation and was not distracted by a fake wedding of a nobody.  So I say it was Kim's fault why Serena lost last year.  hahaha.  It is an outrageous claim but I just like to put it out there.

Congratulations Serena for your 2nd Roland Garros title.  You are the best and stay away from KK.

Eddie Redmayne's Empty Chair at Empty Table

This version by Eddie has got to be the most gripping and emotional rendition of this song from Les Miserable.  I get teary eyed every time I hear it.

I feel hostaged

Now that the finality of the sale of my condo approaches, I am filled with dread on the possibility of the sale going south again.  It may be a fact that I can continue to live in Chicago and still have a source of income, the prospect of having to live here with one foot in Chicago and another already in LA is very draining.  The temporariness of my existence in Chicago is taking its toll on me.  I could not make friends or seek out potential BF because I am moving anyways.  I could not eat healthier or better cause half of my kitchen in packed already.  I have to slowly use up all the contents of my refrigerator.  I could not enroll in a 4 week tennis lesson cause I might not be able to finish it.  I could not watch some of the old movies I have cause I already packed away my DVDs.  I could not find a new job that I will be happier with cause the trouble of starting new and having to leave in the next several weeks is just too daunting.  So I am stuck with a job that I hate.  I am using the same set of clothes cause I already packed most of my other clothes.  I already terminated my gym membership so I could not even go release some pent up stress via exercise.  My condo has boxes everywhere and it is too untidy for my taste.

I suppose I could still do these things that I fell I could not do anymore.  But I am too practical that I just do not want to go into the trouble of doing it.  Till I get to move, I feel I am hostage by my job, my situation and my condo.

Jon of Corbin Fisher

Jon is an adult entertainer for gay men from Corbin Fisher.  He has an angelic face that makes you go aw shucks.  Here are some photos of him posing and horsing around with his various co-stars.  Don't you agree he is adorable???  And it does not take a rocket scientist to figure out which one is Jon.

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