Blogging and me (part 7)

I have noticed lately that my blog has assumed such a negative tone. It's mostly bitching and complaining about things, events or people. And I say why not? After all for me blogging is therapeutic. Being able to vent my frustration and anger through writing is much better than doing something stupid. And if anybody does not care for it, they can just stop reading my blog. Problem solved. LOL

17 again.

When 17 again came out on DVD, I made sure I had it on my priority queue in netflix. 17 again is a movie about a guy who wished he was able to relive his life when he was 17 years old. For such a simple premise/story line. 17 again was delightful. It made me laugh and teary eyed all in a good way. Of course it helped a lot that Zac Effron was the lead star. Definitely very cougay of me to lust for him. hahaha He is such a pretty boy rather than ruggedly handsome.

a thin line between demanding and hoping

There is something to be said about a person demanding something. And there is something to be said about a person hoping for something but not demanding it. In many instances, what really irks me is a person demanding something out of a situation that is not even suppose to be happening.

One example is this woman from my old job. While working with her spanish speaking father, we had an in-house interpreter work with us during our treatment sessions. At that time my spanish was not good enough to allow me to communicate directly with the patient. So the next best thing was to have an interpreter with us. The woman asked for a spanish speaking therapist to work with her dad but unfortunately there was none. And this bitch had the audacity to say "This is unacceptable, you SHOULD have a spanish speaking therapist!" Unfortunately I was forced to hold my tongue otherwise she would have heard attitude from me. We are in Chicagoso so why should we be expected to speak their language? If anything else, they should learn english since they choose to live here. That was just wrong.

In my current job which serves a lot of spanish speaking patients, I have fortunately not encountered a person demanding that we speak spanish to them. A lot of them actually are so pleased and thankfull that I can somehow communicate with them in spanish. Granting my grammar may not be perfect but the message gets across. In these instances, they hope that someone can speak spanish to them but not demand it. That is how it should be.

Drunken white chicks.

I once rode the brown line heading downtown at around 9:30 in the evening on a Friday. As the train stopped at the Belmont station, a group of 7 twenty something white chicks boarded. They were dress like they have been drinking out in the bars/clubs with revealing outfit and cleavage. Not necessarily whorish but sexy enough that I am sure any warm blooded breeder man in his prime would find titillating and alluring. I noticed one girl put out a ciggy and several of them pull out alcoholic beverages bottle. Mind you there were signs posted against that inside the train. Perhaps they were out of towners/burbanites or just simply decided to ignore the rules. It was obvious that they were already inebriated prior to boarding the train and the libation they continue to consume made the matter worst. So what do you get when you mix alcohol and youth? Inappropriate behaviors that would normally get checked by the frontal lobes of our brain. One began singing some popular song and before you know it the lot of them were blaring at the top of their voices. In an enclosed space such as a train car, it was so loud and insufferable. The motion of the train and their noise literally gave me a headache. So instead of telling them to stop and get confronted by 7 drunk chicks, I decided to take a video using my phone secretly. The quality of course is poor and I have to be covert about it. Here it is.


I have had my share of drunkenness but I hope I was not an obnoxious drunk like these girls. My friend said I get friendly and smile a lot when I had something to drink. Friendly is good, obnoxious not.

discrimination that does not bother me.

Here are some statistics I found online on HIV/AIDS here in the USA. As to how recent they are, I do not know.

>African Americans account for 48% of new HIV infections.
>AIDS is the leading cause of death for African American women aged 25 to 34 and HIV rates among Hispanic women are increasing.
>The number of women living with HIV has tripled in the last two decades.
>At least half of all new infections are among people under the age of 25.
>Washington, DC has the highest HIV/AIDS prevalence rates in the United States - one in 20 people are living with HIV or AIDS.

The last time I tried to donate blood was several years ago and I was barred from donating because I have and had sex with other men. This was their policy then and I am not sure if they amended it lately. This was their policy despite of the fact that blood donated are checked for pathogens and diseases anyway. Considering the new statistics indicating that HIV infection in on the raise among heterosexuals, I do not know how wise this policy is. Also considering that homosexuals are probably more likely to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases compared to heterosexuals, I find this policy discriminatory.

So they do not want my blood? I say do I really care? I happen to be AB negative which roughly comprises only 0.6% of the worlds population. I would rather save my blood and energy. At least they probably need O negative more than my blood type so I let it be. Ded-mah!

Bitches...

My friend Sam told me that his ex Michael thought Sam's Asian friends are a bunch of bitches unlike Michael's Asian friends who are nice. We both laughed at the notion cause Michael obviously equate independence and authority to being a bitch. Just because us Asian friends are all accomplished, learned, financially stable and outspoken does not mean we are bitches. Unlike perhaps his Asian friends who are FOBs (fresh off the boat) without much of money and accomplishments. If I have nothing to show in terms of accomplishments and profession, I would be this timid submissive "nice" Asian too. Thank God I am not! I would rather be called a "bitch" and have what I have. And I suppose there is some truth to the saying that birds of the same feathers flock together cause all my Asian friends are at my level and proud to be "bitches".

The beauty of MN

I was in MN this past weekend and did a lot of outdoorsy stuff. One of those outdoor activity is hiking along the St. Croix river that demarcates the border of MN and WI. The river was a lot wider and deeper many many thousands of years ago thus this deep canyon was formed. Now the water is only at the bottom and quite unimpressive. Here are some pics taken overlooking the river below and WI on the other side of the canyon. I forgot my camera so these pics are phone pics only and not superior in quality.

These are potholes of sort formed by the emmence force of the river when it was much bigger. Some are so deep when the water was drained.

why am I single?

I have often been asked this questions. I guess the simpliest answer would be that I don't settle. Does it mean I am too picky for my own good? Absolutely not. I am just content to be single that I don't have to have a bf all the time to be happy. I find ample happiness and benefits from being single. I am by far not a confirmed bachelor. I want to have a bf to do things with and to be in love with but I have to have the right bf for me to give up singlehood. There are plenty of guys who are interested with me but they just somehow are not interesting to me. And the guys I would be interested with are not into me. Or if there is a mutual interest, the timing is off. So what am I to do? I say I would rather be single.

I know an ex-friend who is hardly without a bf. It would take only a month or two before he finds another guy to date. And the guys he has dated were of low quality to at best medium quality in my oppinion. Is he happy? I hope so. But from my point of view, he is one of those guys who just need to be with somebody all the time. They are those type of people who can't find happiness being single. And to be candid about it, I think they are those guys who have low standards. And I certainly don't want to be like them.

Craigslist works!

Well perhaps it did not really worked for those girls killed by the yummy handsome craigslist killer but for me it did. And I am not referring to finding love or sex in craigslist, I am referring to buying and selling stuffs in the for sale section.

For example, I have bought a used sonic care base unit there since mine decided to stop working after I failed to keep it plugged. And since the replaceable brush unit is mine and new, I did not mind buying a used base unit for just 10 dollars when the new ones cost 80 dollars. For the selling part, I have sold countless of stuff and furniture that I would otherwise just donate to the Brown Elephant resale store. When I remodeled my condo, I found my old chairs and tables to be unappealing anymore. I needed an excuse to get rid of them so I can buy new higher quality furniture. Craigslist came to my rescue. My recent sold items included the memory foam topper and sleeping bag that I don't need anymore. The key for craigslist to work are patience and reasonable pricing. If all you got are inquiries and no buyers, just keep on reposting it and perhaps lowering the price. Eventually somebody will buy them. Trust me it works.

So guys, check those basements and attics and start taking pictures of those unused items. Post them on craigslist for absolutely FREE, unlike Ebay. But the only thing you need to remember, selling stuff on craigslist are best done on a pick up and cash only basis. That is the wise thing to do.

Gustav Mahler Symphony No. 9

Tonight I went to Grant Park at the Harris Theater to take advantage of the free concerts the City of Chicago puts out every summer. It was the Symphony No. 9 in D Major of Gustav Mahler conducted by Carlos Kalmar. Unlike the William Tell Overture (lone ranger) and Orpheus in the Underworld (bugs bunny), I must confess I am not familiar with this symphony. The Symphony was named by Gustav "The Song of the Earth" at that time since he was superstitious that he would die soon after writing it just like Beethoven, Schubert, Bruckner and Dvorak who all died without getting past the 9th symphony they wrote. The Symphony is made up of 4 movements. The middle two movements were lively and for me, it conjured an image of the 3 good fairies in Sleeping Beauty sneaking into the lair of Maleficent. Or sometimes it reminded me of medieval prince and knights riding back to the castle from after slaying the dragons. The first movement conjured the image of 1940s old fashion love story movies when the guy finally kisses the girl. At certain segments it conjured am image of Dracula and the damsel running off fleeing from the vampire. And the last movement was just so slow and it almost made me sleep. It also seemed like never ending. At certain points I thought it was over just to keep on going.

Definitely a very rewarding way to spend an evening. I learned something new and became more cultured. Best of all, it was free.

Homo to hete and vice versa?

A report from the APA (American Psychological Association) says no solid evidence exists that "reparative therapy" designed to change a person's sexual orientation is likely effective and some research suggests that efforts to produce change could be harmful. For more on this story, click HERE.

I personally think that this depends on where in the sexual spectrum the person is. I have always believed that sexuality is a spectrum where one end is homosexual and the other end is heterosexual. Some people who falls in the middle are the true bisexual. Those that can have sexual feelings for both sexes. Most people who identified themselves to be homosexual or heterosexual are on their respective ends of the spectrum. So if the "gay man" involved in the reparative therapy to change his homosexual tendencies to heterosexual falls not to far from the middle of the sexuality spectrum, some qualified success could probably be achieved. But if the person is on the far homosexual end of the spectrum, then I think therapy is a futile attempt. And those full pledge card carrying flaming homosexual claiming that they have been changed to heterosexual are in major denial. They may not act on those sexual feelings but I am fairly confident they are having a major hard on watching a hot man to man action. Homosexuality is not defined by your actions but by your sexual attractions to the same sex. A married sports loving man with a wife and children will never be a true heterosexual man if he is sexually attracted to a man.

Insanity = Religion?

"When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion, it is called Religion." - Robert M. Pirsig

I may offend plenty by this blog but here it goes anyways.

How do we define delusion? In Psychiatry, delusion is a false belief strongly held in spite of invalidating evidence. It is also defined as a false belief or opinion.

So if a person thinks he can fly without the aid of any equipment or machine, we call him insane. Of course no human being can fly, that is just beyond reason and logic. That person has to prove that he can fly for us to believe he is not insane.

But if millions of people believe that they will go to a place of blissful everlasting happiness after their heart stop beating because they believe in a certain doctrine, we don't call those people insane. We as society just simply believe it to be the truth cause a certain ancient writings says so and it has been taught to be the case for thousands of years. Where is the proof that this event will happen? We don't need proof, we need to have faith.

All we need is faith and that is my main argument. Why can't we have faith that the person who claims he can fly can really fly? Isn't one person's belief just as true as millions of people's belief regardless of how unreasonable and illogical that belief may be? Robert Pirsig is so correct. I rest my case.

market days 2009

would my dad been ok with me being gay?

My father passed away many year ago. I can not claim I missed him. He was not in the picture when I was growing up so I am used to not seeing him often. My brothers and I would only get to see my dad during summer or holiday breaks from school. I may not have strong feelings for my dad but one thing I can say, he was not a dead beat dad. He provided for his kids. I will always thank him for that.

When I was little and sitting at the foot of his bed watching "Falcon Crest" the soap opera from the 80s, he once told me that if I was going to be gay, I should be a respectable gay person and not run around prancing with make up and ladies clothing. So I knew he was not oblivious to my tendencies. But since he passed away before I was able to formally come out to him as a gay man, I have always wondered how he would be now if he visits me here in America. Would he be ok knowing that I date men? Would he even want to meet my boyfriends and gay friends? Would I be able to talk to him about my life without editing the gay aspects like I don't with my mom? Would he even want to read this blog which has a fair amount of gay related entries? Those questions have crossed my mind every so often.

A year before my father was murdered, we have began exchanging letters. I was already living here in the States and he even wrote of visiting me. I have to say I was forming an adult relationship with my father and even thought I would finally get to know the man better. But since he was killed before any of those things we planned of doing came to fruition, I have wonder would my dad been ok with me as a gay man. And deep down in my heart I think he would have been OK with it. He has 2 other sons so it is not like I was his only hope of passing the family name. And from what my stepmother has told me once, my dad was proud of me for my educational accomplishments. So I think he would still have been proud of me for my financial and career achievements and accept my being gay. And also since I am not a prancing cross dresser, I think he would not have made a big deal of my sexuality. This at least I like to believe would have been the case.