The undocumented Brazilian

 My friend Fernando is married to a Brazilian guy.  His husband has a Brazilian friend living in San Diego who Fernando and his husband think might be a good match for me.  Let us call him Edwardo.   Edwardo is undocumented.  He came to the US with a valid visa, but that visa has expired.  From what Fernando is alluding, Edwardo will need to marry an American citizen to get a valid status.  I was not too keen with this arrangement.  If I marry, I want to marry for love and mutual respect and not for Green card.   I saw Edwardo's pictures and he was not unfortunate looking.  He was not exactly my type, but he appeared to have the same interests as me.  We both ski and like to travel.  That was a big plus.  So, despite my reservations, I agreed to meet him.  We first chatted online then progress that to video chat.  He was charming and had a nice body.  So, over a 2-month period of almost daily chats, I began to like him.  From what he was alluding to Fernando's husband, he seems to like me back.  The chats were encouraging to say the least.   Then we agreed to meet in person.  I drove to San Diego to meet him.  During our lunch, he was not very engaging.  I thought he might be nervous.  He did entertain me by bringing me to a museum and the seaside to watch the wildlife.  He seems friendly but not overly friendly.   Since I am a pragmatic person, I did not hesitate to test the sexual chemistry in bed while I was there.  That was when the problem showed up.  He was bad in bed.  Or perhaps he was just not that into me sexually.  Upon my return to LA, I spoke to Fernando about it.  Fernando thought that I should not give up yet and still give it a chance.  He might be nervous in bed.  I did agree with Fernando and agreed to continue the chats with Edwardo.  I invited him to come to LA so he can see my place as well.  He made several excuses about not wanting to go to LA because to the trouble with ICE raids and protests. I did not push him and gave him time, but it became apparent that he did not want to come to LA at all.  He then told me that things were moving too fast.  That he wanted to slow things down.  I did not beg or argued and I just told him, "que sera sera".  That was our last chat.  Months went by and I gave up on Edwardo.  I had some self-reflection and came to the conclusion that he was not really into me.  I was sad loosing that possibility of having a BF but the more I think about it, I was not really sad in losing him in particular.   I did not realize that I really wanted to have a BF and was willing to compromise that much with him.  Over time I thought of him less and less and life returned to normal for me.  Things were as if I never met him to begin with.  

Recently while having dinner with Fernando and other friends, Fernando told me that Edwardo met someone and was getting serious with this other guy.  That Edwardo was sad that his BF took back the offer to meet his family in Arizona.  That is all I know.   This latest news about Edwardo just reinforced my belief that he was just not that into me.   He was willing to meet his BF family but not willing to drive to LA.  So things were not moving too fast for us.  It was just his way of ending things.  It was a euphemism for "I want to end things" but just did not have a courage to say so.  

I am actually relieved that things did not work out between me and Edwardo.  Otherwise, I would have been worried about him getting caught by ICE on a daily basis.  And with the recent news that the Trump administration is suspending immigrant visa from 75 countries including Brazil, I got a bit of satisfaction.  If we got married, I would not be able to petition him as a spouse and give him a green card because of Trump.  So am I glad that we did not because a couple?  Am I just sour grapes for his rejection of me? Yes I admit that I was annoyed that he rejected me, but I recovered from it.  Indeed I am over him.  How do I know?  Well I do not have a desire to report him to ICE even though the thought crossed my mind.   If he gets deported, it will not be my doing.  If he gets deported, I might be little sad.  Or will I be indifferent about it?  Who knows....